readnoemos

gone are those days

2009-10-10T00:39:00.005+08:00

Hi dear loyal readers whether I know or dont know you. I will not confide into this space anymore, either will I delete it. Readnoemos kept many of my days and vents. Weird as it seems, Ive grown sick of reading no emos and faking like I mean it. I grown sick of all these pretending just to keep close and rather, falling apart. I grow sadder thinking of how being so timid at showing my emotions failed me. I failed myself by faking a facade as to who I am. There are a few I felt comfortable with. There are a few truths I never dare to admit. Thoughts and suchs I want to leave it all behind as part of me growing up.

I thought about alot during this holiday. There's many to do list I really want to complete. First, I must make sure my unhappiness be heard. Of cos, I'll stay a happy soul.

PS: YOU CAN DIVORCE YOUR WIFE YOUR CAREER BUT NVR YOUR PAST.

HOURS AND HOURS

2009-10-09T01:02:00.003+08:00

MET JANICE AND TALK FOR HOURSSSS! OMG DIDNT KNOW THAT GIRL CAN TALK SO MUCH! THIS AND THAT THESE AND THAT. HAHA WE GOSSIPED ABIT, MAN DIDNT KNOW THAT GIRL CAN GOSSIP TOO. HAHA GOOD MEETING UP. HOPE CAN KEEP UP WITH THE EXERCISE PLANS. WOO, IM SO UNHEALTHY.

BORING SHIT TILL I PLAY WITH FB QUIZ. GOT ONE QNS DAMN FUCKING LAME. EVERY ANS I CHOOSE 'UR BESTFRIEND' END UP THE RESULT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. WTF LA SRSLY. KK IM HUNGRY MAN....

I HATE NOT KNOWING

2009-10-06T22:05:00.002+08:00

OKAYE!!! THIS IS GNA BE A QUICK ONE. I SPENT MY ENTIRE DAY WITH MOM. MOM AND ME DAY ACTUALLY. I ACCOMPANIED HER TO THE DOCTOR, TO THE SALON, TO THE NTUC TOO. MY BOOK ACC-ED ME. AND WITH THAT, IM PRETTY PLEASED WITH MYSELF SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH HER FOR I KNOW FYP GNA SUCK MY ATTENTION LIKE REALLY HARDCORE-LY. SO WHATEVER!!

GUESS WHAT? I DID STH RATHER STUPID TODAY. IN FACT YOU WILL LAUGH AT ME SHLD YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

Mr Vampire kickass movie.

2009-10-05T22:49:00.004+08:00

Dear diary, I spend like a sinner. I laugh when my money are leaving me. I feel really poor but cant kick my ass to work. This is a very bad sign. Anyway! the books arrived when im out. wtf really, I waited the past few days dont have, today I go out shopping then it come. WTF right?

Something to occupy my last week of holiday :)

The other day my parent and I were watching Mr Vampire. Remembering Dalian late nights gather just to watch some horror movies. Dalian gang, where are you?

WAKING UP

2009-10-04T14:48:00.003+08:00

"TIME PASSES. EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. EVEN WHEN EACH TICK OF THE SECOND ACHES LIKE A PULSE OF BLOOD BEHIND A BRUISE. IT PASSES UNEVENLY, IN STRANGE LURCHES AND DRAGGING LULLS, BUT PASS IT DOES.

EVEN FOR ME"

new moon, page 93

LOL RE-READING NEW MOON AGAIN. ONCE, HOOKED.

WACKY PEEKTURES

2009-10-03T00:50:00.005+08:00

CHECK OUT THE HELMETSSSS

CONVO WITH DADDY!

2009-10-02T21:02:00.001+08:00

ME: PA WHY U SO EARLY COME BACK TODAY? (9PM)

DAD: CANNOT MEH? NO GOOD MEH I COME BACK EARLY.

ME: GOOD AR GOT PPL ACC ME I ALONE DAMN SIAN.

DAD: THAT WHY I COME BACK EARLY I KNOW MY DAUGHTER ALONE BORING.

WTF HE CFM GAY SIAO ME.

MEE SUA WITH SHRIMPS

2009-10-02T19:04:00.005+08:00

Dear best friend, I felt tired all the time. My books haven arrive, just dispatched this afternoon. And I spent my previous days waiting for it. wtf.

Min came over this afternoon and I cook meesua for lunch. First time ever I cooked for someone outside my family. Actually not really, Ive cooked for Dalian cliqs before. I've finished all my books alrdy!! the entire series I've gotten, now I felt like powerranger. OH the last DEAD AND GONE not available in paperback, DEAD IN THE FAMILY not in town yet either. Hope my new series arrives TML !!!

Oh my grandma told me one of our relatives in Indo had lost her baby during childbirth. Apparently, it died in the womb. I feel so sad after hearing this, having wished I could do something, knowing I cant at all makes me ever sadder.

PIG IN DISGUISE ACTUALLY!

2009-10-01T22:32:00.002+08:00

DEAR DIARY, IVE WOKE UP TO A MILD STOMACH CRAMP THIS MORNING SO I THOUGHT PERIOD'S COMING SO I WAITED WHOLE DAY TO WELCOME ITS PAINFUL ARRIVAL. PERHAPS IM TOO TENSED UP IT DIDNT COME TODAY.

FELT SO TIRED ALL AFTERNOON SO I SLEPT MY WAY UNTIL 6PM I WOKE UP FOR DINNER AND LISTEN TO TOD VIDEO. FEEL SO HARDWORKING LEH ME. THEN HALFWAY THRU JASON TEXT ME SO OFF I GO MAKAN. SO NOW IM BACK AND TOD-ING LECTURE THREE. WATCH ME FINISH THE FUCKING TOD. WATCH ME WATCH ME.

LATELY, I REALLY FEEL SO LL. ANYWAY, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT ATELIER ONE. BUT HAVEN THOUGHT OF ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR AND I REALLY WANNA WATCH I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER.

PS: FAV PHRASE: DARLING YOU LOVE ME?

I RULE MY WORLD LOL

2009-10-01T00:21:00.003+08:00

KK TODAY I WOKE UP AT 9AM EARLY RIGHT. I WENT SCHOOL TO TOUCH OUT THE TO-BE-DAMN PROTOTYPE WITH MY DAD AGAIN. I JUST CANT STAND THE FUCKING GEARS. WHO INVENTED GEARS SHALL BE DAMNED. WHOEVER LOCKED THE STUDIO DOORS SHOULD BE DAMNED FURTHUR! I HAD TO RUN HERE AND THERE TO GET SOMEONE TO OPEN THE DOOR WHEN ARTHUR (OMGWHAT?!) IS AT LEVEL ONE WITH THE KEYS. TOLD THAT RENOVATIONS WORKS ARE IN PROGRESS AND DAD AND ME ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN THE STUDIO DOING WORK. PEOPLE WHO TOLD ME THAT MUST BE KICK DAMNED HARD IN THEIR ASSES. SOOYIN ACTUALLY. I WOULDNT KICK HER OF COS. HEE HEE

SO DAD DRAGGED THE BLOODY PROTO OUT OF THE STUDIO START FIXING THE GEARS AND OHMYGOD THE ANOTHER GEAR STARTED TO FLEX ALRDY DAMN PISSED AND SWEATING NONSTOP LIAO ALRDY. HE KEPT NIAM NIAM NIAM ME WHY NOT PREPARE FOR TODAY NEVER BRING GLUE NO THESE AND THAT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I NEED THESE AND THAT WHEN ALL I NEED YOU TO DO IS TO FIX THE SMALL GEAR BACK IN PLACE? BAD MOODDDDD OKAYE.

THEN RICKY REFUSED TO BORROW ME HIS DOGDAMN SCREWDRIVE-NOTSCREWRICKY-GUN UNLESS I GIVE HIM MY STUDENT CARD. HE CLAIM MANY PEEPOPLE DIDNT RETURN AND NAME A FEW BUT I ONLY RMB PATRICIA'S NAME. SO I STORMED BACK TO STUDIO AND SAW MY DAD SWEATING AND STARTED MY HEARTPAIN SECTION. THE STUDIO HAVE GOT AIRCON AND NOONE RENOVATING IT AND IM NOT ALLOWED TO USE. WHY DID I PAY SCHOOL FEES FOR? SO WE FUCKCARE AND DRAGGED EVERYTHING INSIDE AND WOAH WITH THE AIRCON, EVERYTHING'S BETTER.

SO NOW IM LEFT WITH THE PYRAMID TOP AND GET A REAL BIG SOFT BALL. NO, TWO BIG SOFT BALLS. FINISHED BY ONE PLUS SO ZROMMM TO JR WEST TO ENJOY BATKUTEH. DAMN SHIOK. SPEAKING OF WHICH, ANITA WE REALLY SHLD DATE ON SAT TO EAT BATKUTEH AGAIN. YUM SALIVA DRRRROOOOLING?

BLOG HOPPED A FEW AND SPOTTED A REALLY YANDAO JUNIOR IN JWSS. SP NOW DROOOL LIAOZXCXZXCZZZ. AND SPOT A FEW CATCH PHRASE. I ESPECIALLY LIKE THIS 'HE'S THERE IN THE DARK. HE'S THERE IN MY HEART'. NICE NOT I LIKE LEH. ANOTHER ONE IS 'IM SELFISH WHEN IM SELFISH.' WHAT ELSE? ARH, 'IGNORANCE IS NOW MY BEST FRIEND'. AYE I STEAL THESE CATCH PHRASE I LIKE AND USE IT LIKE MY OWN. I LIKE LEH YOU KPO. NOWI FEEL DAMN LL BUT NVM COS I FEEL LIKE SO. NO TAGBOARD CANNOT KPKB.

YAH. I SAW ANITA'S BLOG I START THINKING OF THOSE FRIENDS I WANNA GROW OLD WITH TOO. IVE CHOSEN MY ATELIERS TOO AND SEND IN ALRDY. HAH HAH, I MUST BUCK UP AND START GRINDING MY GEARS FOR WAR SOON.
WAR WITH JONATHAN HAHA. AND PROJECT SCHEDULES TIRENESS MENSES BORINESSS LONELINESS GASTRICS HUNGERS AND WHATEVERS LASSSSS.

I CAN WRITE WHEN I WANT TO WRITE SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND READ. HEHE JUST KIDDING. HOPE YOU ENJOY READING MY BOREDOMSSS :D MUCH LOVES FROM E Z A N N THE SEXY LOL. NOW IM LAUGHING.

Confessions suckers.

2009-09-29T23:10:00.003+08:00

Gosh. I have got so many little confessions to make. To which, I got no idea how to start yakking and get it out of me. Fuck. Man, am I vulgar. Gonna replace F with something else. Woof!

All in all I fail at keeping promises to myself on the things I shall not let myself think about. I promise no more fat hopes so keep my hands to myself. Remember no rooms for hopes mean no need for the truths. Woofywoof.

This holiday aint well spent. Every other single day I am cooping up at home rotting away. Sourcing for gossip news and new books. Its amazing how I can read every word in Kristen's news and how I skip every word for the Ateliers. Twenty years old and wasting my time away. Didnt I mention I am gonna do my parents proud just this birthday? Not keeping to it, yet.

Came back from chalet this morning. Had my fun and not so fun periods. I have a big bottle of volka, I am letting it waste no more. I shall dig it out and mix it with apple juice. You guys too should try, sweet like omfg. oops i mean omwg (ohmywoofygod).

Confession ass. I am going back to From dead to worse and hoping the new books arrive tomorrow. Bless me some patience and energy to school.

Making mistakes.

2009-09-20T01:19:00.003+08:00

Have you ever done something so wrong you wished you never took that step? Have you?

Anita surprise attack!

2009-09-03T22:22:00.003+08:00

Was reading reading reading.. and reading until I thought I heard the doorbell rang.

Anita: Hi!
Me: What you doing?!

Thanks for popping over, it means alot :)

Note the time.

2009-09-03T10:15:00.002+08:00

Today is the third of September,
the day I had my first cry twenty years from now.
I wish I be a better person and do my parents proud.

With loves,
Shu Hua.

Only feel the sweet stuffs.

2009-08-31T00:38:00.002+08:00

Suppose to meet JD for sakae but changed of plans because last minute work stuffs. Anyway, work was fun playing with the kids.....

So, JD and Momma Ng had me over for dinner after work. I'll be frank, felt like home that is. Totally at ease, Momma Ng is friendly and reminds me of my Ahma. Anywaysss, dinner was great, lotus soup and prawnssss me favourite! And msJD help me with the prawnsss tooo. Not that I dont know how to, lazy you seeee. So! monopoly deck gamezzz thing they bought and I won having the most property and cashhh. Better if its real cashy.

And there comes the guessing guessing, cakeSSS and the ICECREAM (which Ive been wanting to have because the museum had this retro lion stick icecream! but none was for me wtf). So I love (to max) my first bday gifts for being twenty and alive. Its the TRANSFORMERS TWINSSS, the bucky tooth one you know??? I merely anyhow mentioned and JD rmbed to anyhow tell msJD and msJD rmbed and so I have bucky twinsss with me now. The cakeSSS is really cute. And the icecream, needless to say right? So all the sweet stuffs is overwhelming, I am having diabetics soon, NOT!

Really thanks for having me over, homely suits me fineee. I really like Momma Ng. My mom also Momma Ng. Hmmmzxzxxsx. OKaye, I had a long day and a crappy happy sweet post so i shall now deserve sweet dreamszzz to end my day.

PS: Photos upload asap JD please send me. Next, I m going to buy lion stick ice cream, retro right?

Mood: SWEE LA!

Stay close despite distance.

2009-08-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

I begin with a sigh. I miss Sun ting and Shu nan alot, especially tonight. I refused to click on their msn since Ive nothing in common to chat. So tonight I began clicking and chatting. Over a short period of four months, the two buddies got separated. Shu nan decided to further her studies in England. Such courage, can i have?

Think of the people left behind, think of the roads ahead still long. Alone distanced from everyone you know, except the blog you can surrender your thoughts to. I, too shall practise independent (someday thou).

Is living life to fullest my goal or be together with my family more important. Perhaps, being with my family is living life to fullest. Thoughts, they can be so contradicting. Still, seeing my dad pout makes my day. :)

Love is great.

2009-08-16T12:58:00.003+08:00

Been slicing wood lately. Shaky hands and sore feets. Little sleep, students complaint and parents unhappy about the big scale model. Stay overnight in studio and my dad realised how much i cant cope with everything, he agreed to help out. (note: he used to say your work you need to learn how to do yourself, yet he agreed readily this time round)

He brought me to find the parts and asked his friend for help when parts could not be found. Then back to school to finish up whatever we could. The nails were too long and he went home to cut the nails for me. 32 nails in all and he hand cutted everything. He got mom to step his back when his done. Old and aching makes me heartache too.

Mom so all the cooking, Dad do all the odd jobs. Me do all the appreciating. Love is great, stay lovely Hua pa and Hua ma.

Relax breathe relax breathe.

2009-08-08T16:43:00.003+08:00

Do you know that i've been up since ten? very early for a saturday. I need to buck up and stop feeling so stress. RELAXZXXX . . .

Knew a few new friends, sounds like fun people trying to entertain each other throughout the people-less show. Yan came to fetch me out of convenient. Followed him back to his mom bubble shop. seems like fun too mixing the powders and syrups. me also wanna open one shop. Followed him to hopsital to visit grandpa. Ah gong super cute when he talks. he can speak 6 o clock in english. salute :D then meet the latehs for supper. Me like to talk to Yan mama. very interesting talking about fortune reading. me gna strike gold apparently.

Aim of the day:
-finsh the construction dwgs planning and making sure it's gna work;
-finish up 3D modeling.

Aim before monday:
finish intech ex one to five/six.

listen to me grind, oh whine i mean.

2009-08-05T20:52:00.003+08:00

Okaye here i go again. i feel very vexed. mostly with myself. i know what to do then i think too much i dont really know how to do. if i didnt think too much then i'll think so simple how can must complicated abit. i noted something i want to write in journal but do not know how to present it so i ended up just taking note and not doing anything about it. so it seems like i done alot of work but actually no. the above is about school.

at home i am vexed mostly because i miss my grandma who is in Batam for the last few days. so i was thinking and worrying about her safety. so when she came over my place today i was feeling kind of sian. mostly because i need some peace to sort out my thinkings and do some planning but her arrival will means non stop hits. when she offered to help me carry some nutc stuffs i told her no need la i can take. i feel so bad and cruel. how can i tell her off in such manner? i mean grandma leh not some bitchybimbos. then i wanted to apologise but couldnt bring myself to spell sorry to her. i wanted to cherish her and i know i do. but i cant seems to continuously shower her love because often than not, i get frustrated talking to her. she repeated x5 times and huhs alot. when i am in good mood mostly i laugh with her. when i am like today pissed and turn off i pull long faces.

can you understand or have you thought about the stuffs i mentioned? i cannot fathom what exactly is wrong with me. i cant seems to continously be nice to someone, especially my family. i grew sick trying to understand and give in. i grew sick of people not understanding me. i grew sick of people forgetting me. i grew sick of the lifestyle i am in. i grew sad when i know all this.

i grow sadder when i realise the world is not as beautiful as painted. i want to listen to people talk instead of talking because i do not know what to say. i am afraid of know new people too i dont know why. but i know i am wasting my time typing out all these unkempt thoughts of mine here because i ought to practise some self discipline doing 3D instead of debating with myself the pros and cons of doing it. fuck.

at the end of the day mom treat me ice cream to cheer me up when i told her school stuffs. stress. i haven been meeting my friends because i've been trying hard to save up. obviously this isnt doing me any good to my other self.

Breathe for Mom.

2009-07-29T16:16:00.002+08:00

Deep breathe. Flu bugs are following me everywhere. So me is sticking to mommy everywhere. Feels like small girl now. Being small is cool, no projects no burden. Just eat sleep play and cry.

Now that I grow up I want to grow back. Ironic eh? Get well soon E.

Me want to cry.

2009-07-26T14:57:00.002+08:00

I love you dad and sorry for being such a long face during lunch. Sorry for not talking much to you too. Sorry for not having an effort to communicate with you. Sorry for the many mood swings thanks to pimples and scars and cough.

Happy birthday. I love you Dad.

fuck the face.

2009-07-26T14:51:00.003+08:00

those pimples those scars and those bloody mucus and phelgm. i tell u they piss me off big time. this is fucking retarded to fall sick over the weather. even fuckingly fucking annoying to be have colonies of pimple attacking your face all at the same time and refuse to go away. good, attacking your skin isnt enough, they attack your immune system and fucked your throat fuck your nose make them bleed when you dig your nose. fuck you man. go to hell and fuck yourself.

this is a fucky entry fyi!

Hellooo.

2009-07-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

Me at min's blogging. K bye.

Hello.

Past history sets in.

2009-07-24T20:30:00.004+08:00

Hello. Anita motivated me to blog. I seemed to have forgotten about readnoemos. Blogging holds no meaning for me but why am i still holding a blog? Because i like readnoemos.

When someone thinks of you importantly and wants you for who you are and really needs you. Think twice. Do you need a person who needs you for who you are? The past will never fall upon you again, only the aches does.

The past like god high and above not reachable, the aches like devils so approachable.
Cant seems to move on is an excuse to NOT forget anything, because I moved on, and forgot everything. Every little details of how we started initially. Every quarrels we had. Every laughters we shared. What else have I missed.

Till you mentioned, now I seems to remember. Arh, the pain they healed the scars were gone and you became my friend again.

Sidetrack, f by the sorethroat medicine which I am suppose to suck in my mouth. eeks they taste bitter and bittest of all. I see blood in my nose when I rub it. I taste phelgm anytime I cough and me thinks it taste better than the medi. I took the 'find your crushes on fb" test and guess what? haha von isnt in the list and me is soooo disappointed. Submissions are done and so is me.

Me me me me ee ee

2009-07-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

Twitter is quite cool, so is facebook. Mom told me cant have the girls over on weekend. So me have to go over their place. But me likee them over more. So done with T2a.

What say I?

2009-07-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

Just great. Awesome kickass too. Jason downloaded this effing great thing for me. And now I can happily enjoy watching all the dramas and movies.

On the other hand forget all about T2 this lovely sunday.

Fridays like saturdays, hard to resist.

2009-07-17T23:31:00.001+08:00

Since I return to SG, I cant help feeling homey. My weekends are mostly spent staying in, working on journals or ideas; if not catching up on dramas. Dare not go shopping at all.
Mom told me to spend wisely because pop isnt earning as much as before already. Mom she wants to eat durain puff but find it too expensive (point: save money). And then i saw this lady eating sushi, I suddenly want sushi badly. So i told her " eh we u turn back to buy sushiii k", and she said yes without much hestitate but joking reminded me of saving. (because she cooked dinner so buying finger food = wasteful).

Mothers, how can anyone deny them of being unselfish. Sometimes I cant help but wonder, why are people wasting their time getting wasted at clubs and puking gastric juice? Is it really cool to reek of alcohol all over?

Once told that I am a mountain tortoise. I guess I am. Time cannot be recycle, I want to talk to my Mom non stop. I have so much to confide but she wont understand. I wish she knew how much respect and love I have for her.

Eh, I am suppose to whine about my wasted weekend and not lecture on mother love. wtf.

Momma taught me to sleep, not to do not sleep.

2009-07-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

Too tired to focus in school so i decide to skip today's classes. Home sleep lunch sleep dinner with the girls. Hee hee laughters again after so long no see huanghuiting mia to her fyp. I almost forgot I very year also fyp.

Because I slept whole day i promised myself i gna start modeling the device Chris told me about. I remember having some cardboards from T3 so I did not purchase new one. I even updated my facebook saying I am not gna sleep because i slept in the noon alrdy (mindyou, slept from 2 to 6 kay).

And now I am going to sleep because one. i do not have sufficient cardboards, two. I feel sleepy haha.

Ciao~

Where is my mind?

2009-07-13T01:49:00.001+08:00

Since Thursday, i've been suffering from brain block.

Feeling down lately. Feels wrong but still.

Damnit. I cuold feel every nerves on me getting irritated now. FUCK why cant i fall asleep? fuckit.

Why is it that me can feign ignorance and get over everything so quickly? Good forgetting skills, good adapting skills. Good self-praising skills.

And then the headache sets in and the dark rings, to see me through the night.

Brain Blockeddd

2009-07-11T14:02:00.001+08:00

And so I am blogging again, to inform the world about my crisis;

THE PIMPLE CRISIS 09.